Evaporating Words

My blog is obviously the place for me to write about writing, and the inevitable stressors that come with that.  Currently I am working on a short story that is going quite well, except that I want to incorporate a real life event into it.  Thing is, my memory is kind of crappy now. There was a time when I remembered everything about my life with eerie clarity, but I learned that this was just a symptom of my obsessive-compulsive disorder, and my work on controlling this behavior has left some memories cloudy.   As far as therapy goes, this is a good thing, meaning that I have worked through difficult aspects of my life. Which is great for my psyche but not so much my writing. So, I remembered that yes, I have been blogging for 17 years. So I must have written what I’m looking for in one of my blogs.  

I roll over to Livejournal, where lies my longest experiment in writing, which I also tediously organized one evening many years ago, so that certain topics were easy to locate.  I found an entry with some information on what I was looking for, but I had the feeling I had written out this story before. I assumed it would be in the LJ; I was wrong. So I went to Blogger.  

Blogger was an experiment that forced me to write daily.  I updated it for 166 days before giving up. It’s terrible writing and was certainly not the best 166 days of my life, so perusing it was a little traumatic.  It also yielded no results, which was disappointing. So I went over to Blurty.

I had two intricately organized blogs on Blurty, as well as a poetry journal.  I knew going in that they were also not good periods of life, but I was prepared.  What I was not prepared for was to discover that Blurty shut down in 2017 and took all of my words with it.  What’s worse, is that I am positive the blog entry I was hunting for was hosted by Blurty.

This caused a panic.  I went over to Livejournal and after much searching found their archiving program.  Of course, it was last updated in like 2004, so it doesn’t work unless you have an advanced degree in computers.  So now, I am copying and pasting each individual entry into a word document, which will take me roughly a month given the fact I kept the blog for thirteen flippin’ years.  

So my disappointments are many.  One, I never found the entry I was looking for, and now have to work entirely from memory, which is probably an okay thing since my story is a work of fiction, but is depressing nonetheless.  Two, apparently when a blog hosting site shuts down they have no problem not notifying you about it and stealing away everything you’ve written (what are your future plans, WordPress?) Three, I’m all melancholy about the past now, and that is detrimental to my progress as a human being.  In summary, I am blogging about blogging because if I don’t write something every day I will disappoint myself, and I am stuck on my story.

You know what? If anyone is reading this and wants to help…did you ever lose a friend as a child?  What emotions did you feel? How did you process it? Thanks.


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