As I’ve said before, deadlines were never my strong suit. I would often finish a paper on my lunch for a class that was an hour away. If my teachers graded me based on how well I did in such a short period of time, I would have been an A student. As I got older and the words became creative as opposed to academic, I realized that my process does not deal in deadlines. One cannot just will the words onto the paper. At least, I can’t. Maybe some best selling millionaire author who puts out three books a year can, but not I.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this, as I have been pondering the idea of going back to school. Of course, I’ve been pondering this for over a decade now, but this is a more serious ponder this time around. Alas, I am stuck with the same old problem. I want to go to school, but for WHAT? I’m thirty-five and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! Some days I want to go for Creative Writing, the obvious answer, so I can realize my dream of becoming a novelist. Other days I want to go for Psychology, not to be a counselor or anything but perhaps something in the research field? Some days I want to go for Botany, and learn about plants, since I love gardening. Other times it’s Business Administration, so Bernie and I can finally develop a plus-size, affordable women’s clothing line that isn’t completely hideous.
I’m not great with decisions, I over analyze most things, so this is not going to be an easy choice. And I don’t want to go back to school without a goal of some sort, so just taking a few basic classes is fine but also not what I’m looking for. Though it couldn’t hurt to start, I suppose.
Of course, then I remember myself, struggling with deadlines, and worry that the whole thing might be a disaster in the making. Cuz, you know…anxiety.
I don’t know what I will do yet, but hopefully some divine inspiration will come to me and point me in the right direction.
Or, maybe I’ll just eenie-meenie-miney-mo it.