I’ve been watching as my friends and acquaintances have stood up and spoke out regarding sexual assault, abuse, and harassment. The hashtags alone: MeToo, TimesUp, WhyIDidn’tReport. They are so brave. I can’t imagine living through what some people I know have. That doesn’t mean that nothing has ever happened to me. It just means I have been fortunate to not bear the worst of such abuse. I have been harassed. In my teens, I was sexualized by older men. I was catcalled. My boobs were stared at often. In my twenties, I saw a lot of penis that I didn’t ask to see, thanks to the advent of the dick pic. Dates expected something, always. My boobs were still stared at often. Even now, I have had men come on to me KNOWING that I am married, while looking directly at my boobs. Now, I have been real clear about my feelings on gender disparity, and this is like that but deeper. This is violence wrapped in entitlement, and it sickens me.
I watched that clip of the republican focus group of women discussing the Kavanaugh hearing and I was disgusted. I was also keenly aware that these women knew no life outside the patriarchy, so of course they were making excuses. I don’t know if anyone of them suffered any kind of abuse, but if they did they are sadly in denial about it. Just another reason people don’t report.
I didn’t watch any of the testimony yesterday. I don’t need to. I have literally no reason not to believe Dr. Ford. A fifteen-year-old boy pinned a girl to a mattress? Yeah. I don’t need to know anything else, I know fifteen-year-old boys. That happened.
Don’t act like you’re so special, gentlemen. There’s not a choir boy among you.
Teenage boys are nothing but walking hormones, and they have NOT learned how to control themselves. Women are told to look and behave in a certain way so as not to get harassed, but no one tells boys not to harass! Men have been failed in this manner, and they should be furious! Right now, Mark is trying to develop a “how to treat a woman” speech for his sons. He does not want them to think it’s ok to do things that he did in his youth. I wish more men were taking this stance, instead of being so weirdly defensive. How hard is it to say “yeah, I made a mistake in the past. Let’s do better in the future.” Because you did. I assure you, you did.
You asked some girl out more than once after she said no. Or you sent an unsolicited picture of your junk. Or you had a conversation with a woman’s chest. Or you participated in “locker room” talk. These are all subtle ways of doing women dirty, and if you didn’t know that, you do now. So knock it off.
A lot of my male friends have been really supportive and understanding of the current climate, and what I have found really impressive is the amount of men who have stood up and said “yeah, I did that thing, I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to, but now I do, and I’ll never do it again.” Some men I know still chant “Not all Men,” which is hilarious, since I’ve seen them do shit with my own eyes. Denial is a powerful drug. I’m pretty sure Brett Kavanaugh is mainlining it.
I am willing to forgive any man who can admit he made a mistake when he was a kid. Meaning that if Brett Kavanaugh said “yep I did that,” I, as a person, would forgive him. He wouldn’t deserve to be appointed to the top judgeship of the nation, but I would forgive him. And if he’s as Catholic as he claims to be, he should be looking for that forgiveness from the people. He should be looking for it from God.