Today I am feeling celebratory. I was feeling as such yesterday, but was taken down by my stomach again, and unable to really embrace the joy that had fallen into my lap.
When I got home from the hospital, there was a package. I opened it to discover three proof copies of my chapbook. For the first time, I held my book in my hand. Sure, it had “not for resale” emblazoned across the front, but that meant nothing to me. Especially when Mark asked if we get to keep them, because he would prefer the proof copy to the final edit. I could tell from his excitement that to him this was something really special. It made me happy. What made me happier was the fact that I was actually holding it in my hands…a physical, printed book. MY physical, printed book. My wonky stomach was temporarily ignored as I flipped though the pages, trying not to cry on them. I haven’t done a deep dive yet, but I have noticed a few things that need to be changed. Still…so, so, so close.
Also on the book front, the money I needed came though. And speaking of money…
We also discovered yesterday that Hubs back child support is paid off. Before we met and a couple of years into it, he was having trouble finding work, and if he did they were temporary jobs that didn’t really pay the bills. Eventually, he got a job that stuck for a little bit, and then now the one he has he’s been at almost 4 years. We still struggle financially since I am unable to work right now, but the thorn in his side has always been the child support. He would give every last penny to his kids if he could-hell, when they’re here I have to remind him not to spend 20 bucks on candy for them at the store. Mark ADORES his children, and not being able to give them what they want all the time kills him. But this little victory has lightened that load, and he is relieved.
Tonight, if my stomach is up to it, we will order dinner from some local restaurant and toast with a bottle of champagne to his kids and my book. We will celebrate, because we so rarely get the opportunity. I will spend my day grateful for my little family-the kiddos, who make me smile, and my husband, who makes me proud.
And, let’s be honest. I’m a little proud of my self right now, too.