If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been out for a week and a half. Usually when I miss a day in my blog it’s because I am in the hospital, but this was not the case this week. I was home, and my stomach was calm. My brain was not. It’s still not great. It’s kind of like when you have the flu, and you start to feel a little better each day. I’m on day three of feeling a little bit better.
I was kicking myself this time last week, mad that I hadn’t updated the previous Monday and had nothing to write about then. I gave myself that Monday “off,” because I felt pretty down, and I wanted to take some time for myself. So I watched some movies and made soup for lunch and snuggled with my blanket on the couch. I thought I would feel better Tuesday. I didn’t.
So last Thursday, I came back to the blog, feeling even lower, because it had been four days and I hadn’t written A THING. Not my blog, not my WIP, not a poem. Not so much as a sentence.
I felt slightly better while the kids were here this past weekend, but that all fell apart again Monday morning. I felt worse than I had the previous Monday. Blogging was out of the question.
So for the past week and a half, I have pretty much been hibernating in my living room, watching Pretty Little Liars and eating cereal.
I don’t know what my problem was. It felt almost like I wasn’t taking my meds, even though I was. And it left as quickly as it came, too. I told my therapist and she told me not to worry about it unless it happens again, so I won’t. But I always try to solve the little puzzles and figure out why my brain does what it does, so I tried to solve this mystery. The best I can come up with is stress. I handle stress so poorly…it just builds up and then drowns me. I have been very stressed the past few weeks, and it is compounded stress; months of worries toppling down on me. I wasn’t taking care of my stress levels like I’m supposed to, and I think it caused me to spiral a little.
After a week or so of self-care, I feel better. I feel normal. Maybe even positive, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. What I need to remember is to take the time for self-care regularly, and not have my stress get so bad that I implode.
Anyway, I’m here and I’m alive and well. I still haven’t gotten to my WIP, but I just updated my blog, so that’s something.