Today is my birthday, and I am trying to be positive but it isn’t working out.
Mom has been in the hospital for over a month, but what she is supposed to be doing right now is taking me out for pancakes. So far, every moment of the morning has been permeated by the thought that my mother isn’t present. It is depressing me, and the fact that I got a free iced coffee this morning for no good reason is, so far, the high point of my day.
Bernie is baking me a cake, and if it doesn’t rain this evening, we are going to some sort of hippie congregation at the park. But what I’m not doing is having a barbecue with my mother’s cucumber salad. See? Every happy thing seems to be getting cancelled out by a sad thing.
I’m going to see Mom this afternoon, so that is something to look forward to. Bern claims that she said my name the other day, so I’m going to see if I can get any noises out of her. Then I’m going to stop by my Gram’s house and see her, which always cheers me up, so hopefully by the time Bern shows up with cake, I will be in a better mood.
But right now, my iced coffee is gone and my hand keeps falling asleep as I type, so…bye.
I didn’t update Thursday for two reasons: one, I was behind already and updated on Wednesday, and two, I have a milestone today.
Today is my chapbook’s first birthday.
I finished it over the summer of 2019, and when it was picked up in early spring of 2020, I was flabbergasted. If you go back and read some of my old posts from that time, you will find a giddy yet terrified recount of my attempts to complete and publish it. And then, oh the imposter syndrome! The feeling of being a fake, that my contribution didn’t really “count” for some reason. That took months after publication to come to terms with…not until the day I was published in The Buffalo News. And that poem wasn’t even in the book!
I have 4.9 stars on Amazon. I have 17 ratings, and 12 reviews. Recently, a few copies made their way over to my favorite tiny bookshop. I have had two book blogger reviews and a radio review, and have set up both a podcast interview and an author blog interview for the future. Three years ago, I couldn’t get myself to even talk about a poem I write to someone. Just a thought.
Have I sold as many copies as I would like? No, I have not. I don’t know what that magic number is that would satisfy me, but we aren’t there yet. I think I would be happy if I could generate enough sales to cover my web hosting costs for the year, actually. I want to be able to make money that I can put back into my work, somehow. Because it takes money to make money…I only get a percentage of each book. Less if it’s overseas. When it’s in a shop, it’s even less than that, and I have to FRONT the money for the supply. I also have an illustrator I need to pay for another project, and two websites I need to host. Like any business, you need to start with a little capital in order to generate more. I, unfortunately, started with nothing but a dream, so I am taking the long way around. For year one, I am sadly still in the red. So, y’know…buy my book.
Ok, that’s enough of a shameless self-plug. Happy birthday, A Lovely Wreckage.
It’s Memorial Day weekend, and the kiddos are here, so naturally there are things to do. Like clean and reorganize their rooms, which is the big project for the weekend. I think the Skylanders and Disney princess motifs are going out the window. These kids are no longer as interested in these things as they once were. Time for some teenage-style rooms.
Also, I hope to get some fishing in, of course. Yesterday I caught a few sunnies and a baby something-or-other, and Mark caught what I think was a small catfish. So, the skunk is out of the boat, as they say. And L brought his skateboard and K brought her rollerblades and E promised to help me in the garden and M and I are experimenting with new computer monitors so we all have something to do today.