I used to keep journals, religiously. Until one day, a terrible thing happened and I destroyed them all in an effort to burn away my memories. It didn’t work at first, but with time and no pages to look over I gradually let go of things that I held onto for too long.
I have one journal left, that chronicles a chunk of my 20’s. I don’t read it; I just keep it because someday there might be a story in there. Aside from my journals, there are my blogs. I have kept many blogs over the years, ranging from the personal to the professional. I suppose this is as close as I come to journaling these days.
Now, if I did still keep one, I would certainly have written in it about yesterday.
I was sitting in bed eating carrots and watching 30 Rock on Hulu when my dad called me. “Are you sitting down??” he says. Oh, no. Someone is dead. Wait, no, he doesn’t sound upset. Must be good news? What could it be?? I, of course, run crazy with thoughts in that moment, but then he says something about the newspaper and it takes me a minute to put the pieces together and suddenly I realize what he is telling me.
I am in the newspaper.
Now, I’ve been published all over the web. And I have a book of poetry out. But I really don’t think anyone was as excited about any of that as much as they were about me being in the paper. Mom came and took me to the gas station to buy a copy. When I got home, the poetry editor from the News sent me a friend request, with an image of my poem. He tagged me in a Facebook post that I shared on my socials. And still…I was in shock.
See. I dreamt of this before anything.
I wanted to be on that poetry page since I was a teenager, discovering it one afternoon while searching the Gusto for acting gigs. It seemed…attainable. And yet…my early poetry was only published at the now defunct poetry.com. (Side note: the website still exists, but I don’t know where my poems went.) I didn’t think any of the early stuff good enough, anyways. Then, after my self-imposed writing hiatus and comeback, I saw the news as UNATTAINABLE, because I just wasn’t good enough. I didn’t have a book yet, or a signing, or an interview. I was nobody.
Now, I disagree. I have stats to back my writing up, a little. So, I composed an email and sent it to the poetry editor and waited, hopeful.
And then this.
The poem was the one I won the Poesia contest with, too. So that little guy is having a good summer.
I am reminded a little of the tale “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.” In it, her father tells her “If you see it in The Sun [their local newspaper,] it’s so.” That is how I feel today. I saw it in the News. It must be true.
So, if I kept a journal, that’s what I would write about today. Maybe a little about how E is spending the week and I am looking forward to lots of time with her while Mark is at work. Today we are going to the park to do a photoshoot for a new author pic for me. Tomorrow she wants to go fishing. She has never been here solo before, so this is a really fun new experience for us. I would write about it, because I would want to remember it.
I don’t keep journals anymore, and by default, I don’t do scrapbooks anymore either though I still have about seven of them. I kind of wish I did, so I would have somewhere to put my newspaper clipping. Ah, well.
A frame will have to do.